Tak nahore ve Vonoklasech me rekli ze moje blaboly nemaji ani hlavu ani patu, a ze jsem nevychovany. Asi maji pravdu. Tak jsem se rozhodl ze si zde povedu maly koutek kde obcas neco vyvesim. Bohuzel to bude asi v anglictine, ale me se tak zde ze sem chodi dost lidi co umeji tuto rec. Chodi-li sem nekdo kdo zije v cizine, klidne me napiste primo.

Rad diskutuji, ale verim ze jsou lide ktere svojimi hloupymi recmi mozna unavuji, tak snad moje grafomanske sklony budou vybijeny v tomto rohu.

Ludvik

Prvni legrace nize:


Subject: Californians
>So as not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan jokes, somebody had to come up with this you know you're from California if:
>
>1. Your co-worker has 8 body piercing's and none are visible.
>
>2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.
>
>3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.
>
>4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.
>
>5. You can't remember . . is pot illegal?
>
>6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
>
>7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
>
>8. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?
>
>9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.
>
>10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.
>
>11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.
>
>12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
>
>13. You can't remember . . .is pot illegal?
>
>14. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH."
>
>15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers.
>
>16. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
>
>17. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????
>
>18. Both you AND your dog have therapists, psychics, personal trainers and cosmetic surgeons.
>
>19. The Terminator is your governor.
>
>20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If you're here illegally, they want to give you one.


Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


The President of Mexico, Felipe
Calderon, has announced
that Mexico will not participate in the Summer
Olympics.
He said that, "Anyone who can run, jump, or swim has already left the country."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

BE SURE TO READ TO THE END.
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be
why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette





When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep
her.
Sacha Guitry





After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't
face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi





By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a
bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates





Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas





The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does
a woman want?
Sigmund Freud





I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous





"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a
restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and
dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman





"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison





"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic
banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran





"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second
one didn't."
Patrick Murray





Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash





The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
once...
Anonymous





You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman





My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield





A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle





Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous





A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he
received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have
mine."
Anonymous





First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Ludvik, you're a real, (not mystic) Czernoszian (maybe Vonaclaszian) cockoo. Give my best regards to Mrs. Rachet. Michal

Sorry, I meant cuckoo.

Kdo je Mrs. Rachet?

Ludvik

O.K. I misspelled it, IT'S RATCHED. You did not see "One Flew"?

OK
LK

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.

The local paper read: "PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT"

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read:

"BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS"

This was too much for the bishop, so he
ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:

"NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN"

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read:

"NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10"

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:

"NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE"

The bishop was buried the next day.


The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.

So be yourself and enjoy life...

Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!

Have a nice day!